“Albert grunted. "Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?"
Mort thought for a moment.
"No," he said eventually, "what?"
There was silence.
Then Albert straightened up and said, "Damned if I know. Probably they get answers, and serve 'em right.”
-Terry Pratchett, Mort
Alright. Here we go! Ask and you shall receive...answers.
Q. Why don't we provide overnight parking for wild camping?
A. The simplest answer is...Our insurance only covers our onsite campers.
Q. Why don't we allow dogs on our site?
A. We are proud to provide a safe, pleasurable environment for our guests and our livestock. Whilst we appreciate that the vast majority of dog owners are conscientious and responsible, mistakes happen.
Q. Do we provide WIFI onsite?
A. At present the quality of our broadband is extremely poor and would be of little use to anyone. Hopefully this will change in future.
Q. Will I get cell phone reception onsite?
A. The majority of big network providers are supported onsite, apart from Vodafone (Recommended alternative forms of communication include semaphore, telegraph, and carrier pigeon.)
Q. Can I drive my car up to my pitch to drop my gear off?
A. Yes, but only on the driveway. We do not allow parking on the pitch and vehicles must be returned to the appropriate parking space as soon as possible. It's time-consuming, messy, and extraordinarily inconvenient for us to save mud-trapped vehicles and it damages the beauty of our camping fields.
Q. Can I play music onsite?
A. Yes, but only at an acceptable level. We love music here at Gwern Gof Isaf, but being sensitive and considerate to the experience of those around us is always our top priority. We strive to provide a pleasant atmosphere on site and we ask that music is turned down or off upon any request by other campers or by the site owners. Failure to do so will result in immediate expulsion from the site. The recommended time for settling down and turning music off is 10:30pm (last orders).
Q. Can I build a campfire?
A. Campfires are only allowed so long as they are raised off the ground in a firepit or similar, which you must provide personally.
Q. Can I get firewood from in or around the site?
A. This is a resounding 'NO'. Live as well as deadwood is valuable to our ecosystem and we ask that guests refrain from damaging our trees. (Besides live wood doesn't burn anyway......you silly.)
Q. Is alcohol consumption permitted on site?
A. Yes. Responsible alcohol consumption is permitted. However, dangerous and inappropriate behaviour will result in immediate expulsion.